Last Blog for 2009

Dear all,

I wanna express my thankfulness especially to Allah S.W.T for giving me a great great life. Here are some people I wanna thanks to :-

a) Suamiku (My husband)... thank you for having some patience with me and have faith and be my courage to stay alive since 2004 and thank you so much for all the LOVE you give to me. I dont need materials from you, what I need is the LOVE that I have been craving since I was child.

b) Mak and Abah (parents), thank you for make me see the world since 1985, thank you for giving me good education and good way to live my life and thanks for everything that you have made me. You have made me into what I am and I am really proud to be your children and I know I did say the most hurting words before where I do wish you both are not my parents... but after Japan 2003, I changed my perception. You are the best parents of all time!

c) Along, Angah and Kak Cik (my siblings) - we werent good since we were small but after we all have grown up to be a great woman and daughters of Mohammad and Noriah's, we all get bonded! Thanks to all for giving me love although I thought I was a lil  bit too late cuz I only got LOVE from you after I finish my SPM!

d)Best Friend Forever - Iera and Ariana- being with you guys, hanging out a lots making me realize what a beautiful world we have here and thank you for being supportive of whatever I have gone through. Thanks again...Thanks for lending your ear and shoulder to me...Remember, we always share the shoulder and ears together hehehe

e) Close friends -Nadia, Suri, Farah, Farahiyah, Tasneem, Liyana, and Fatin. Thanks for being supportive and sometimes give negative opinion of everything! I am not your BFF but you are always my close friend whom I can share tears and sadness and happiness with! Thanks for being there.

f) MJFF - Sheeks, Joe, Opie, Sho, Rezza, Anne, Arif, Nik, Fird n Wife, Zam. Although we all lost our most Idol on 25th June 2009 and its killing us, we get bonded and thanks to TTWSA for making it happen. Thanks Rezza. All of you have made me see the world wider and bigger and I cant wait for our next trip to LA.!

f) Last but not least. Thanks to all who ever have supported my life since 1985 to 2009 (support in soul searching, giving moral injection and teaches me life and how to live a happy moments). I will always love you and will try to make things better and better from time to time.

To all my dislikers (whom i think I still have them), do whatever you like. Actually with your presence, I feel more powerful, more tough and more challenge to live my life. Do whatever u like, and as you know, I will never give up. I will show my weakness but I will never show my strength. For me, you are the loser although to you, I'm the loser. For me, being a coward by being Anonymous or texting me through blog comment and swearing, is not my type. Thanks for the liars friends I have and thanks to all the pretenders. U have done a great great job! Now, no body can lie to me... I will try to be a DTA person again. Wanna know what is that? Sorry! Figure it out yourself.

friendship

it may hurt some people but I have to let it go... and its honest from my heart...

I always wondering about my friendship with some friends... they consider me as their best friend forever, but when I came and think about it, I dont think I am their BFF after all..

why I said this? if seriously I'm their best friend forever, obviously my picture will be included in your wallpaper along with others but no... only my pictures wasnt there... dats devastating

in your phonebook list, every1 that you consider as BFF you will put "my heart" my soul and what soever, but me, its just the name... dats hurts

for others, you stay till the end, the good n the bad but for me, u just come and wish congrats... dats it! I admit, I am happy u came, but Im hurt... seriously... u never be with me all the time.. especially when Im happy or sad...

next thing i wanna say, it would make u guys think "this woman seriously crazy selfish".. u asked me to give u a gift, where when its my time, I NEVER GET ANYTHING! it does sounds like im asking for you to gift but doesnt this seem like unfair?

Does our friendship base on materials rather than sharing is caring? i have no idea at all.. Its not im asking present, but when I didnt give, you will always say "U never love me" but for me.. when I said that.... means nothing...You will mention as "Sayang..." but very dishonest way...

I know Im weird, but weird doesnt mean I dont deserve good friendship and companion...
I guess nobody understands me except for some people...
Ahzam, you are my truly sayang and I would love you till my heart beat stops and will meet u in heaven...
Thanks to my BFFs I have in the world.Ari, Iera, Surie, Fara, Yana, and Steffi...  if I left out some names, maybe its you guys... not all of you... some of you...

Sorry... seriously sorry... I just cant help my feeling...

memories

No stories to tell, but the picture speaks for itself..

Rare pic of mine.. When I was 1yrs old.

When I was 4 mths old

When I was 9 maybe?

 With my very fierce Wan (grandma)

No wonder why I love hanging out at the BAR. I was exposed to this place since I was 2 or 3? But hey.. hanging out doesnt mean i drink and drunk okay? I ordered my use to be favourite Apple Juice!

dancing in the sun to get attention from any talent hunter. Too Bad! No one is there except mentally disturb people!

with my neighbour at this time. Emmy Azmir, Imma Azmir and my sister Nora. The other one I am not sure who...

with my 3rd sister, Nora! How cute am I ? hahaha

Rare pic of my dad! Do u guys notice? He got Hair! hahaha

didnt I look like Sudirman? No? Damn! I was hoping to be him! Hahah OH! Do I look like MJ? White version of MJ hahah

Liar- Liar

Since I was born, I'm the type that believes whatever was being told to me. This is not about me being a naive and stupid for believing anything (actually, I do believe all the stuff is being said)....

I remember being a child who are hmm quite let say STUPID hahah I mean stupid in innocent way.. I think one of my family members, who I cant recall told me about TV series... they shoot it live without editing... (cuz I was wondering how the hell they do film?) hahaha and I once asked my mum, how come 2 people can be different person (bad guy in one story and good guy in another) in two different channel... I think my sister answer me with "they are twins.." damn! hahah

here, i dont wanna say much... Its actually a friend of mine (use to be) tell me all the lies in the world that she can create.. I dont know what the heck is she lying to me! i still cant find the idea why she need to lie to me... Since I know her, she always bullshitting me about anything. I realize that I always said my life is 100% happy, got all my friends and what I want, but hello... no body is perfect.. I said it cuz I dont like to ask sympathy from my friends cuz they might say im a boring person to hangout with.

i realize if this friend who always say the same thing i said. for example, If i said that my father  use to follow Tun Dr M to Italy and Philipines, she will say "my mother is really close with him..." "my father cover his story..." and what nonsense... Oh come on! u asked me where my father went for that week.. u dont need to think im showing off... I dont even wanna show off... what comes from my mouth is the truth... worst part, "my boyfriend give me this... give me that.. oh not forgotten thiss..." btw, your bf is rich but what is rich without your own effort and $$? what is rich if u dont own a car and a house...!!! bullshit!

Ppl said that we should know what is her/his background of doing this... I know this person so welll.. As a friend, we dont need to follow whatever your friend is doing! if they jump in the poo of shits, will u jump too? wow! it will be amazing to do! Come on! I have varieties of friends, poor, rich, old & young, funny, boring, short n tall... every type.. but I dont judge them by what they are.. I judge them through their personality... not with all the lies... pergh... Dats stupid...

friendship is important but not relationship.. money n diamonds comes and go while honesty and pride is always there with you.. make that change - MJ

Childhood

Everyday when I heard "Childhood" from my HiStory CD, i feel like Michael Jackson is searching me to be his good friend. even b4 he was dead, i cried everytime i heard this song too as i am the one who have the worst childhood. I aint celebrity like him but our childhood "lonely" is still similar to each other...

I am the youngest but whatever my 3rd sister did to me, I feel like im the eldest and she's the youngest. I know my sister request my mom to have younger sister.. But I wasn't born to be bullied! Every single day, my life is about to kill her and blaming me. For 22 years I live in suffering till she came back from Indonesia in 2008. Now, I love all my sisters although we fought like everyday!

I was raised by my maid, and from my 1st day of born, i never sleep with my parents. I was jealous to my other sister that they have slept with my parents before but me? Never! Aiyo! so sad! My maid was the one who sleep with me and I am always with her till people said "**** mcm mak dia sendiri". My maid told me, I was an accident child, my mother doesnt want me. :(  and my father was disappointed cuz I am a girl, not a boy! and now U guys know why I am tomboyish kinda attitude because my dad doesn't wish me to be a girl :( but I think Im the lucky ones cuz my late grandma on mother side said "Opah tau, Wati akan jadi anak yang paling baik".. Tq Opah! Sayang Opah...

I was bullied by my sisters and even worst, I dont understand any single thing that they are saying. Math, Science, Account! Sekolah!? What is dat? My dad always talks to me either in English or Malay but seriously I dont know which to use. I love to talk and my mother told me I can talk at 2. wow! dats fast! I love to walk too and I walk when I was 9 mths. this is because I always walk on the grass in the morning... my maid holds me up.

That is a sneak peak of my story when I was a young girl... Lets see what's next!